RULES OF LOVE
I was happy, yet unhappy. I had to suppress my need, what I’d been craving from him for a long time. I could not understand that ecstatic look on his face after my recent acceptance and announcement.
His joy made me sad for I still longed for a proper dating relationship. His joy was short lived however, as he almost switched gears to back to business mode. He didn’t even ask if that was what I really wanted or if I was really okay with my announcement.
He was about to leave my apartment when he turned around and told me to sit. And with a calm and low voice he told me his rules and regulations for our ‘situationship’. He said not to call him until he called, he said I shouldn’t introduce him to anyone as my lover, be it in his presence or absence and that I was to consider him a stranger if we did cross paths in public, that is, I shouldn’t even bother greeting him if we mistakenly passed by each other in public.
The most painful of them all was when he picked my hands in his, stared right into my eyes and said that I was not to have any other person asides him, no other bedmate, no boyfriend even. I was to practically put my life on hold until he permitted otherwise. Here I felt really sad for myself because I didn’t realize when I nodded in approval to his rules. He kissed the hands he was holding, got up and let go with these parting words, “you’ll hear from me”. I sat in utter confusion and pains. I watched him leave my apartment as though what just transpired was normal.
I couldn’t believe myself, at a moment I’d see how foolish I had become but then again a voice always gave me hope. Whether it was false hope or not, it didn’t matter to me, I preferred to believe that he’d in the end give me what it was I so much longed for. I thought that since he wanted to be the only man in my life, that I’d also be the only woman in his. This train of thought went on for a while in my head. It continued for months as I did not hear from Michael after our last encounter at my place. I kept asking myself why I lived my life by his rules, why I continued to be hopeful. As you can tell, I never quite got the right answer that I needed, when I needed it.
This experience really hurts thinking about it now. My dear readers always remember that your dignity has no price tag, absolutely no commodity or precious stone or human should be allowed purchase. Love truly should be a mutual feeling.