Diary of a lover girl: Episode 7

Hello again my dear readers, I want to use this medium to say a big thank you for your care and suggestions on how to handle my lover girl dilemma, I only wish I was coming to you now with a positive twist in my dealings with Michael.

As you know by now, Michael who is really good at performing disappearing acts did not fail to deliver. I tried hard to abide by his rules concerning our ‘situationship’ but him disappearing for weeks without a glimmer of hope tore me apart.

He would occasionally turn up for a few days and disappear for what seemed like ages. We’d have what I thought was amazing sex and that was it. He would leave me afterwards with not as much as a kiss or a hug, nothing but his routine “till we meet again”. It became apparent to me that all Michael was really after was just sex.

Reality began to hit me as I noticed how this prison I had allowed myself in was beginning to affect other areas of my life. I noticed that my work performance was very poor and though I had no close friends to share my troubles with, the little social life I had disappeared. I began to turn to a shadow of myself.  I would constantly lose myself in deep contemplating thoughts. At some point, I would allow myself succumb to his wants and at other point my overwhelming need to have him took over my head.

I, however, had to make better decisions for myself. I realized the freedom I so long desired. I came to accept that I needed a man who would love me as I loved him, who would respect and cherish me as I deserved. And though it was really a huge and tough pill to swallow, I finally accepted that Michael was not that man and I could never make him into that man.

It was one thing to come to this realization and another to voice it out. I had to speak my mind to Michael as soon as possible, for it was time to move on with my life. As usual, Michael had been gone for weeks and as I could no longer wait for his re-emergence and called his phone. As expected, he did not answer or return them, so I left him a message.

It took him a week to reply to my message requesting for an audience with him, but when he did respond there was a storm of emotions flooding and clashing within me. I tried hard to have control over it all but all did not go well when I was finally in the same breathing space as Michael.

I do hope we’ll meet again next week for the rest of my experience as a lover girl, but before I go, I’d like to remind us all that we should be focused on keeping ourselves happy no matter the pain we may go through to achieve that….

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